I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
