I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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