so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
