Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
