Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
