READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
