he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
