i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
