if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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