I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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