i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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