My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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