Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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