i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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