which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
