And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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