My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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