so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize