I want you more than these girls want KFC
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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