He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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