your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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