I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
