can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
