Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
