so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
