Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
