Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
