he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
