Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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