I wannas sexs uuuuu
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
