Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
