i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
