Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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