i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
