LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
