Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize