I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
