My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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