i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
