Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
