She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
