im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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