I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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