Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
