What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
