There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize