I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize