We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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