I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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