Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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