Swine flu. Run for my life!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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