Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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