3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After last night, I could never be a politician.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
