franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
