I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
