I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
