I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize