"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
