Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
