never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Please don't give away my fajitas
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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