It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
