I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We just shotgunned beers for America
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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