Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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