Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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