i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
