We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
