so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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